Nov. 18th, 2012 10:32 am
lishesquex: (Default)

I haven't been sleeping well the past week due to a) the stress of the English Language exam on Thursday and b) really stiff/sore neck muscles which are a result of general work stress and being hunched over my laptop writing reports. When Kitteh wakes me up at 4am lately, I haven't been able to get back to sleep. Yesterday I was so sleep deprived and exhausted that I didn't have energy to do anything and spent the whole day playing a game on my new iPad.  That only contributed to my stiff neck muscles and so I generally spent the whole day in a state of self-perpetuated misery.

Today I felt depression creeping in, so I'm making myself Do Stuff.  I paid a bunch of bills, and now I'm going to go for a walk.  I don't think I have the energy for a run, but it will be healthy for me to get out of the house.

I'm annoyed at myself for being so energy-less.  I should be enjoying this time of the year - apart from report-writing, it's pretty stress free because all the senior students are gone.  I should be taking the time to get back into some gaming, read a book, play the guitar, do all the things I didn't have time for before.  But instead I don't feel like doing anything. 


Apr. 30th, 2012 07:23 pm
lishesquex: (Gro - defeat)
I miss my friends.

I miss weekly phone calls, random emails, nightly chats. I hate the distance. I hate the slow growing up and falling apart.

lishesquex: (Default)

It's hard to come back to your own reality after residing on the edges of another. You can rail all you like at the tyranny of distance and the unyielding hand of time, but the world is as it is and no amount of yearning can change it.

But this heartache was always going to be the price for the time I had. I just didn't know it would be so strong.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

lishesquex: (iconomicon - choices)
Ugh, I'm feeling so bleak today.  A nagging inner voice keeps telling me to get started on work stuff, but it all just seems at once too mountainous and yet inconsequential. 

Meanwhile, I'm trying to come to terms with something that I've always known was the likely outcome, but which I haven't yet fully accepted.  I'm wrestling with the pointlessness of going on and the pointlessness of giving up.  Both options result in pointlessness so I'm kind of at an impasse.  What I need is a distraction.

In other news, I've been watching Legend of the Seeker when I haven't been playing WoW.  I'm still madly in love with Cara but am already dreading the ending.  I think knowing that it's going to end disapointingly is putting a damper on the squee.  I also finished reading The Little Stranger by Sarah Waters.  I picked it up not expecting to really get into it, but it kind of sucked me in and dragged me along until the end, where it left me feeling vaguely unsettled, a little depressed, but mostly unsatisfied.  I don't know why I keep going back for more.  (Story of my life zomg. -.-)

Anyway, the point of this post was to actually post some pictures.  The other day, I had lunch with Jackie.  And then, like hobbits, we had second lunch at the Lindt Cafe.  I had an amazing chocolate waffle.  Pics of the city, Melbourne uni, and my amazing waffle are below the cut.

Picspammy )


Mar. 8th, 2010 11:56 pm
lishesquex: (Rachel Sienna - umbrella)
Been feeling kind of flat lately.  Meh.

So it turns out that the epic storm that happened on Saturday with giant golf-ball sized hail stones totally did dent my car.  There are at least THREE visible dents on the roof.  Kind of pissed off about that.

In other news, I bought a new TV and Mass Effect and am currently saving the galaxy.  I'm about 8 hours in and have already had alien lesbian sex with some blue chick.

Not looking forward to work tomorrow.

That is all.


Feb. 22nd, 2010 02:14 am
lishesquex: (alias - close my eyes bw)
Going on camp in about 4.5 hours.  I should be asleep.

I had a minor emo crash today.  Like, if life were the equivalent of driving down a long road in a little car, then my little car totally crashed into a wall today, and the wall had "emo" spray painted across it.  Not a huge crash.  Just a minor collision that took out my headlights.

I've decided to name the cat Morrigan.  We're calling her Moko though.  MOKO KITTEEHH.  Actually, most of the time we just call her Kitteh.  Total fail.  It's like that time I was in Westfall with Ingrid and Thrace, and we saw some Level 15 noob called "Namefail".


Dec. 31st, 2009 06:35 pm
lishesquex: (iconomicon - angelina in gia)

It's 36 degrees today, but it feels more like 46 in my room.  West-facing windows and afternoon sunshine fail, and hot!computer and hot!monitor heat generation fail.  Earlier, my computer overheated and shut itself down, so now I have the fan blowing at the computer and not at me.  So.  Hot.  Omg.

There have been a lot of summaries of the decade in the media - Top 10 books of the decade, the decade in film, best photos of the decade, etc.  The one I'm reading now, which is making me squee all over the place, despite the heat, is AfterEllen's article on a decade of gay and bi women: Visibility Matters: Women Who Came Out in the '00s

I've been angsting a bit, but looking at pictures of Angelina Jolie and Gro Hammerseng always puts me in a better mood.  If I ever need to recruit 40 women to man woman my magical Viking longship, Angelina and Gro would definitely be on the crew.  (Speaking of which, "My Magical Viking Longship" would be a great track no. 7 for our band, Pussyfail.)

Damnit.  Mum just came in, and was like "What's your New Year's resolution going to be?  You have a job now... how about finding a partner?"  Fuck.  This is the beginning.  I know it.  Asian parents, man.  It always goes Education --> Career --> Relationships.  Now that I've passed the first two, they're gonna be onto me about the last one.  Dad mentioned it the other day too.  *sigh*  The ironic thing is - one of New Year's resolution /is/ to find a partner.  Just not the kind they're thinking of.

Also, I'm pissed off now because mum's been yelling at me and passive-aggressively suggesting things ever since she got home today.  I can't seem to do anything right.  Gah.  :-(

lishesquex: (xena - looking down)

I don't wanna be alone this Christmas.  :/

lishesquex: (Rachel Sienna - hands)

You know, I think it's possible to get used to anything. 

I got used to the last couple of weeks.  Almost every day was a fourteen hour work day, but when all the stress reaches a boiling point, you just put one foot after another.  Focus on getting through to the next day, and you'll find that you forget about all the other things.  It's like suspended animation; it's like moving through water, inch by inch, holding your breath.  You learn to breathe underwater.

I met up with Lucia and Akemi today, and we marched in the rally for same-sex marriage rights from the State Library to the steps of Parliament House.  It was the first rally I've marched in.  I got a big red flag and waved it around like I was at a Eurovision concert.  (Well, no.  I probably would've waved it more vigorously if I were at a Eurovision concert.)  It was a liberating feeling, marching down Swanston Street, arms linked, wearing my 'Have A Gay Day' t-shirt, staring at the cameras and spectators unflinchingly in the eye - such a change from my usual repressed and closeted life in suburbia.  I don't care that the event was organised by Socialist Alternative, and I don't care that it probably won't change a thing.  It was special for me, and I'm really glad I went.

After I came home, I called Jackie for over an hour, and she linked me to Stuff Queer People Like, which is so hilariously true.  I can't tell you how many fashion mullets I saw at the rally today.  I think they should add "#8 Not Wearing Heels Unless In Drag" to the list though.  There were very, very few high heels of any sort, and I didn't see a single pair of stilettos amongst the many hundreds of queers at the rally today - not even the drag queen in a bridal gown (she was wearing platforms).  Queers love sensible footwear - it's true.

I'm craving human contact today for some reason.  I guess a week of barely any social interaction outside of work finally caught up with me.  I feel like an island.  The other day, I read an article about a guy who was paralysed in an accident, and everyone thought he was in a coma for 29 years, but he was actually conscious the whole time.  And so for 29 years, he lay there being unable to communicate with anyone.  I think I'd go crazy.  But then again, it's possible to get used to anything.

lishesquex: (iconomicon - gia fence kiss)
I'm feeling a little adrift today. I had an easy day at work and came home reasonably early, but didn't really feel like doing anything. I signed onto WoW, but ended up just idling out.

So I decided to do some online shopping since the Australian Dollar is total win against the USD at the moment, and because spending money on incredibly geeky toys always makes me happier. I got very excited (again) over Starfleet issue titanium sporks and lightsaber duels. I convinced Rianna to get me a Tribble for my birthday. I'm ordering a few other things too, like a green laser pointer I've had my eye on for years. The shipping from the US is outrageous, but... I want! Also, I just got $1500 from my tax return. :D

Kim Harrison announcing (again) that Ivy/Rachel probably isn't going to happen was depressing. Damn Kim Harrison. I already bought White Witch, Black Curse but I can't bring myself to read it because I know that Ivy/Rachel is just going to wither away and DIE HORRIBLY.

I am listening to Canadian radio (EZ Rock) online to tune in on Lisa Ray's radio interview. The music kind of sucks.
lishesquex: (alias - close my eyes bw)
Oh. my. god.

Today was probably... the single hardest teaching day I've encountered thus far. I left the office at 8:40pm last night, and was back in it at 7:30am this morning, and yet I'm still behind with marking and preparation. When I got there today, the entire school network was offline so I couldn't print anything. There was also no internet and no school email THE ENTIRE DAY. And then the photocopier broke down. Srsly, wtf. AND THEN, I had parent teacher interviews from 4pm till 8:30pm. Four solid hours of constant social interaction FAIL. alskdfjask

The last two days, I haven't gotten home until after nine. I'm so completely and utterly drained. Also had a really crappy class with my Year 8s this afternoon which did not help matters. All the kids were pretty feral today actually.

The only redeeming thing about today was that I had two sets of parents today who told me that their kid was enjoying my class and that I'd inspired/challenged them. But still, that doesn't change the fact that I'm about to KEEL OVER FROM EXHAUSTION. I had to continually remind myself to focus while driving home tonight. So tired. I'm not even prepared for tomorrow, either. Gonna have to go in early again.

Hugs, I needz them. :(
lishesquex: (L word - always raining)
The new WoW patch is out, but I haven't had the inclination to play recently.

I got five hours sleep last night, which normally wouldn't have been too bad, but I'm still hurting from Sunday night, when I only got four hours, so this morning was really quite unpleasant. Managed to drag myself out of bed and get to work, but I almost fell asleep in the period after lunch.

There was some drama in the office today - a colleague got some bad news from her doctor or something, and went home almost in tears. Not sure what's going on. I hope she's all right.

Anyway, today was an okay day, but I'm feeling pretty emo, and the exhaustion isn't helping. I should go to bed. :/
lishesquex: (xena - looking down)
Emo Lish is emo today. :/

Meeting with Teh Boss went pretty well. I typed out a whole paragraph about it but deleted it because it was boring.

Battlestar Galactica is boring me, for some reason. I keep trying to watch the next episode but end up tuning out and doing something else before it even gets past the opening credits. I'm gonna take a break from it and watch some Trek.

[Poll #1433366]

Man, I can't believe it's only week 2. I'm already exhausted. *sigh*
lishesquex: (buffy - faith this is life)

Meh.  I am emo today.  In every weekend there comes a point where a very large part of me rebels and refuses to face up to the fact that tomorrow I have to go back to work and the face the million things I need to do, back to the stress and the responsibility and the constant stream of people and emails and phone calls and students.  Then, that very large part of me kicks into procrastination mode in a desperate attempt to delay tomorrow, and I don't get anything done.  That pretty much sums up today. 

The weekend itself was good.  I had a very productive day on WoW on Saturday.  Ran three heroic instances with my guildies, won a Wintergrasp battle, quested, did a bunch of achievements... all in one morning.  I even managed to get most of my marking done.

Today I watched more Battlestar Galactica.  I was watching Episode 2.07 when, suddenly, Lucy Lawless turned up!  I was like "holy crap, I totally forgot she was in this!"  I was so surprised.  I can't believe I forgot.  I'm also slightly disturbed to find myself developing a man-crush on Apollo.  Lyan thinks he's a "whiny betch", but somehow I find that attractive in a guy.

Before you all start doubting my lesbian credentials, I totally need to link you all to this Gender-reversed Star Trek 2009 cast picspam post, featuring Yvonne Strahovski as Kirk, Jordana Brewster as Spock and Lena Headey as McCoy (hellooo, doctor).  Someone needs to film that.  Right now.  I don't quite agree with Grace Park as Sulu (she does nothing for me), but I can't think of any other Asian women who I'd prefer.  Maybe I'll volunteer.  And there's gotta be a better Scottish woman to play Scotty.  Maybe Simone Lahbib?  Can't quite see her in the part though.  They need a hotter Russian for Chekov, too.  Jennifer Connelly as Nero, however, is perfect.  *happy thoughts*  ...Ahem.

Oh and China is hosting its first ever gay pride festival in Shanghai, called Shanghai Pride.  Though I shouldn't really use the word "hosting" because it's not hosted so much as tolerated by the government.  Still, nobody's shut it down so I remain optimistic that China is becoming more progressive about teh gay.  I hope it all goes well and becomes an annual thing.

Continuing with the gay news, this week's Brunch with Bridget is with Erin Kelly!  You can watch it here.  Erin Kelly is so cute.  I don't know who's idea it was for her to wear that nightie during the interview, but it was in serious danger of falling off the entire time.

And finally, it's been brought to my attention that my hotmail accounts have been compromised and are currently sending out large amounts of spam to all my contacts.  I've run a virus check (nothing) and changed my passwords.  Hopefully that fixes it.  I'll keep looking into it, if not.  In the mean time, just ignore my emails or IM messages if they contain the words "weight loss" or "penis enlargement".

lishesquex: (L word - always raining)
I was at work from 7am till 7pm today. I worked out that from the amount of hours I'm working, I'm getting paid about $20 an hour. Fail. -.- Today was a whole day excursion in the city with the Year 9s. Tomorrow is parent teacher interviews.

I'm so tired.

I miss having someone to come home to.

I miss having someone to come home for.

lishesquex: (L word - always raining)

Guh.  I finished reading a book which tangledtaleJackie recommended me, Call Me By Your Name by AndrĂ© Aciman, and spent a good 30 minutes sobbing my eyes out while clutching a teddy bear.  I still haven't quite recovered.

Tomorrow mum comes home.  It's been nice being able to live independently for a while, free of the usual smothering over-mothering.  It'll also be nice to be well-fed again.  I haven't yet decided which is nicer.  Food > Freedom, or Freedom > Food?  Probably a question that perplexes domestic pets all over.

wickedkiwiIngrid introduced me to Joshua Randin's music today.  New favorite songs, I haz them.  They're full of the emo, though.

There were other things I wanted to post about, like how Obama killed Xena and What Angelina Jolie and Eliza Dushku's Lovechild Would Look Like.  But I'm too emo for that now.  Later, maybe.


lishesquex: (xena - snow)

Several unrelated clauses:

The government gave me $1000.

Batman: The Dark Knight was awesome.  I can't wait for the next movie.

I have less desire to play WoW now that I've hit 80.  This always happens.  Damnit.

In the last week I've accomplished two stressful but necessary things:  I got a haircut and I went to the dentist.  Both failed.  (Haircut was not the way I wanted it and I glare at my hair every time I pass a mirror.  And I found out I need two fillings.)

I'm going to Thailand in a week.


"People don't vanish."

"Of course they do.  She came out of the air and now she's returned to it.  Wherever she is I can't go there."

If a simple presence makes the rest of life seem but shadows, then what does absence make?

lishesquex: (buffy - faith this is life)
So I stopped doing the whole post-everyday-in-November thing I was trying to do this year. Ah well.

Saturday was my birthday. It was pretty average as birthdays go. I didn't do anything fancy - I knew nothing could top last year anyway. I offered to drive Rianna to North Shore, because the day felt a bit empty. I'd woken up with the thought "This time last year, Julia was here", which was a pretty emo way to start the morning. So anyway, I drove Rianna to North Shore and then I picked her up again. On the way home, we went to Chadstone to buy an Xbox 360 and Rockband. Managed to lug it all back home and set it up and all without Mum going ballistic. Success! \o/

Today I helped Mum clean and do gardening things. The house is still all screwed up from half finished renovations and things that haven't been fixed. The sliding door that separates the toilet from the bathroom is broken. The shower sliding door is also broken. Both wooden doors that lead from our front yard to our backyard are falling off their hinges. And as if four broken or slowly dying doors wasn't enough, Dad decided to change our perfectly adequate front door, so he got the renovation guys to rip it out and put a new one in. Except that they haven't gotten a new doorknob for it yet, so our front door is... a door with no handle. Oh yeah.

You know my life is exciting when I'm blogging about doors with no handles.

Right. Time for bed.

Oh wait, one last thing. I watched "Boys Don't Cry" earlier. And omg, such a depressing film. I couldn't watch the second half of it without doing other things like logging onto WoW to distract myself. I didn't cry though, because I think I was too annoyed at Brandon for not having better sense. Which sounds horrible, but still.


Oct. 31st, 2008 10:46 pm
lishesquex: (iconomicon - gia fence kiss)
Your name is
Braille on my body
A curse on my lips
A quick exhalation.
Cold sharpness
And hard hurt
Anything, for you to
Come back
lishesquex: (alias - close my eyes bw)
To clarify on my last post, because everyone seems to be hurrying to reassure me that I won't fail - I know. I'm not worried about failing. The mehness of the last post was more from the bad morale of the student teachers as a group, and just the shock of it, I guess. We'd finished our block rounds, and everything. It's the end of the year. We only had 5 weeks to go. And it's been so damn hard. It just seemed downright cruel to fail him at 5 weeks from the finish line.


I'm at uni again. I seem to be constantly at uni or at school these days. Yesterday I slept from 4pm until almost 6am this morning, and I'm still tired. *sigh*



lishesquex: (Default)

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