lishesquex | (no subject)

I had a really long and vivid nightmare this morning in which my mother died. It was awful and felt so real that I woke up almost crying. In the dream, one of my biggest regrets was not coming out and telling her the truth before she died. I felt bad about not showing her such a huge part of myself. When I woke up, it made me seriously consider coming out. I'm still thinking about it.

I'm actually really enjoying work at the moment. The Year 7s are still angelic. I never thought I'd enjoy teaching such young kids, but they're so cute and well behaved at the moment. Also, I have some awesome kids in the class. One girl wants to be an Air Force pilot when she grows up. Another wrote down Jane Austen and Tamora Pierce as her favorite authors. WIN.

On the other end of the scale, teaching VCE English Language is also a total buzz. The Year 12 class is small, and the students are all motivated and interested. It feels SO good to be able to teach instead of discipline or babysit, which is what a lot of last year felt like. The long hours I'm spending on preparation still sucks monky balls, but the high I get after a lesson goes completely right almost makes up for it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You're right - that is the most important thing. I don't really have a Talking About That Stuff relationship with my mum either. We just don't have the language for it, so everything is kind of unspoken. For me though, I think my sexuality is a large part of me, and I feel bad for hiding it from my mum all these years. Mum does probably know me better than most people, but she doesn't know the whole me, which is what I feel bad about. It's kind of the same with new people/colleagues I meet - I don't really consider them friends, until I let them in and see that part of me. So yeah... I think I've pretty much made up my mind to come out to my mum soonish (in the next 2 or 3 years, as opposed in the next 20). Just waiting for the right moment.

The right moment is v.important. Says she who came out to HER mother in the middle of a hysterical crying jag ;)