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[lishesquex]

I had a really long and vivid nightmare this morning in which my mother died.  It was awful and felt so real that I woke up almost crying.  In the dream, one of my biggest regrets was not coming out and telling her the truth before she died.  I felt bad about not showing her such a huge part of myself.  When I woke up, it made me seriously consider coming out.  I'm still thinking about it.

I'm actually really enjoying work at the moment.  The Year 7s are still angelic.  I never thought I'd enjoy teaching such young kids, but they're so cute and well behaved at the moment.  Also, I have some awesome kids in the class.  One girl wants to be an Air Force pilot when she grows up.  Another wrote down Jane Austen and Tamora Pierce as her favorite authors.  WIN.

On the other end of the scale, teaching VCE English Language is also a total buzz.  The Year 12 class is small, and the students are all motivated and interested.  It feels SO good to be able to teach instead of discipline or babysit, which is what a lot of last year felt like.  The long hours I'm spending on preparation still sucks monky balls, but the high I get after a lesson goes completely right almost makes up for it.

Comments

[pebblin.livejournal.com]

So, this year is much better than last, yeah? That's awesome. Well, except for that one class of year 8s, was it? Good times. I hope you enjoy yourself more this year.

[lishesque.livejournal.com]

My one Year 9 class this year is probably going to be a challenge. Had two really awful Year 8 classes last year.

I hope I enjoy myself more this year too.

[pebblin.livejournal.com]

A challenge is better than awful, right?

Don't be rash about the coming out because of a dream. Do it when you're ready.

[tara]

I never specifically came out to Dad because we just didn't have the whole Talking About That Stuff kind of relationship. Never talked to him about boys, either, back in the day. He might have known, if Mum told him, but I don't know.

When he died, I had a brief period where I felt like I should have explicitly come out to him. It didn't last for long, though. How I feel now is just grateful that I never lost any of the time I had with him to the awkwardness or intolerance that might have resulted from doing it. He may not have known about that aspect of me, but that aspect of me didn't intrude at all upon the time I had with my father either, if that makes sense?

My point is that being open about who you are to the people you love is important. But you're more than just your sexuality, and your parents know so much about you as it is. Coming out can be a huge relief, but if you have reasons to stay closeted, those reasons are important and valid and completely okay. Your mother knows you as the daughter who loves her. Regardless of your decision, that's the most important thing.

[lishesque.livejournal.com]

You're right - that is the most important thing. I don't really have a Talking About That Stuff relationship with my mum either. We just don't have the language for it, so everything is kind of unspoken. For me though, I think my sexuality is a large part of me, and I feel bad for hiding it from my mum all these years. Mum does probably know me better than most people, but she doesn't know the whole me, which is what I feel bad about. It's kind of the same with new people/colleagues I meet - I don't really consider them friends, until I let them in and see that part of me. So yeah... I think I've pretty much made up my mind to come out to my mum soonish (in the next 2 or 3 years, as opposed in the next 20). Just waiting for the right moment.

[tara]

The right moment is v.important. Says she who came out to HER mother in the middle of a hysterical crying jag ;)