lishesquex | Entries tagged with coming out

I'm back from Year 7 camp. It was actually pretty awesome. I learnt how to sail. I rode a mountain bike through bush trails. I played soccer on the beach at sunset with my Year 7s. I read a book while watching my Year 7s canoe, and came out to to my hot-boss-colleague while sitting in a sunburnt and windswept field with her for two hours. Amazingly, I didn't even get grumpy at my kids despite living with them for five days. They're a pretty great bunch of kids.

My kitten is a whole week older and a fair bit bigger. I'm sorry to have missed out on a week of kittehness.

Current Mood: sore
Current Music: Anna Ternheim - No, I Don't Remember

I had a really long and vivid nightmare this morning in which my mother died. It was awful and felt so real that I woke up almost crying. In the dream, one of my biggest regrets was not coming out and telling her the truth before she died. I felt bad about not showing her such a huge part of myself. When I woke up, it made me seriously consider coming out. I'm still thinking about it.

I'm actually really enjoying work at the moment. The Year 7s are still angelic. I never thought I'd enjoy teaching such young kids, but they're so cute and well behaved at the moment. Also, I have some awesome kids in the class. One girl wants to be an Air Force pilot when she grows up. Another wrote down Jane Austen and Tamora Pierce as her favorite authors. WIN.

On the other end of the scale, teaching VCE English Language is also a total buzz. The Year 12 class is small, and the students are all motivated and interested. It feels SO good to be able to teach instead of discipline or babysit, which is what a lot of last year felt like. The long hours I'm spending on preparation still sucks monky balls, but the high I get after a lesson goes completely right almost makes up for it.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: wow in the background

It's 36 degrees today, but it feels more like 46 in my room. West-facing windows and afternoon sunshine fail, and hot!computer and hot!monitor heat generation fail. Earlier, my computer overheated and shut itself down, so now I have the fan blowing at the computer and not at me. So. Hot. Omg.

There have been a lot of summaries of the decade in the media - Top 10 books of the decade, the decade in film, best photos of the decade, etc. The one I'm reading now, which is making me squee all over the place, despite the heat, is AfterEllen's article on a decade of gay and bi women: Visibility Matters: Women Who Came Out in the '00s.

I've been angsting a bit, but looking at pictures of Angelina Jolie and Gro Hammerseng always puts me in a better mood. If I ever need to recruit 40 women to ~~man~~ woman my magical Viking longship, Angelina and Gro would definitely be on the crew. (Speaking of which, "My Magical Viking Longship" would be a great track no. 7 for our band, Pussyfail.)

Damnit. Mum just came in, and was like "What's your New Year's resolution going to be? You have a job now... how about finding a partner?" Fuck. This is the beginning. I know it. Asian parents, man. It always goes Education --> Career --> Relationships. Now that I've passed the first two, they're gonna be onto me about the last one. Dad mentioned it the other day too. *sigh* The ironic thing is - one of New Year's resolution /is/ to find a partner. Just not the kind they're thinking of.

Also, I'm pissed off now because mum's been yelling at me and passive-aggressively suggesting things ever since she got home today. I can't seem to do anything right. Gah. :-(

Current Mood: angry

You know, I think it's possible to get used to anything.

I got used to the last couple of weeks. Almost every day was a fourteen hour work day, but when all the stress reaches a boiling point, you just put one foot after another. Focus on getting through to the next day, and you'll find that you forget about all the other things. It's like suspended animation; it's like moving through water, inch by inch, holding your breath. You learn to breathe underwater.

I met up with Lucia and Akemi today, and we marched in the rally for same-sex marriage rights from the State Library to the steps of Parliament House. It was the first rally I've marched in. I got a big red flag and waved it around like I was at a Eurovision concert. (Well, no. I probably would've waved it more vigorously if I were at a Eurovision concert.) It was a liberating feeling, marching down Swanston Street, arms linked, wearing my 'Have A Gay Day' t-shirt, staring at the cameras and spectators unflinchingly in the eye - such a change from my usual repressed and closeted life in suburbia. I don't care that the event was organised by Socialist Alternative, and I don't care that it probably won't change a thing. It was special for me, and I'm really glad I went.

After I came home, I called Jackie for over an hour, and she linked me to Stuff Queer People Like, which is so hilariously true. I can't tell you how many fashion mullets I saw at the rally today. I think they should add "#8 Not Wearing Heels Unless In Drag" to the list though. There were very, very few high heels of any sort, and I didn't see a single pair of stilettos amongst the many hundreds of queers at the rally today - not even the drag queen in a bridal gown (she was wearing platforms). Queers love sensible footwear - it's true.

I'm craving human contact today for some reason. I guess a week of barely any social interaction outside of work finally caught up with me. I feel like an island. The other day, I read an article about a guy who was paralysed in an accident, and everyone thought he was in a coma for 29 years, but he was actually conscious the whole time. And so for 29 years, he lay there being unable to communicate with anyone. I think I'd go crazy. But then again, it's possible to get used to anything.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: KT Tunstall - Throw Me a Rope

Dinner wasn't too bad, even though it took ages. I just got home. It was at an Italian restaurant, which was a nice change, and the food was really really really good. There were about four or five tables of us, seated at the back of the restaurant. And the guy who was shouting us all? Apparently he's a billionaire. A friend of a friend of dad's. He's got something like 50 BILLION yuan in China, which, even when you convert it into Australian dollars, still makes him a billionaire. *mind boggles* On the way home in the car, dad once again asked whether I was interested in his friend's offer to set me up with some rich millionaire Chinese boys. And I said... "Um... okay. Maybe. >.>" So now my inner lesbian is screaming omgwtfbbqz. And the weird bit is that I don't know if it was a temporary bout of insanity or if I actually meant that maybe. o.O

Current Mood: confused

I watched Saving Face last night and OMG it was awesome. I've been meaning to watch it for a while but I kept putting it off. I'm so glad I watched it though.

( Synopsis under the cut )

This is the movie I will watch with my mum when I come out and if she takes it well.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Leona Naess - Calling

So far this weekend, I have:

- Played on my Nintendo DS with Mum and Rianna
- Watched Elizabeth with Mum and Rianna
- Had an almost coming out moment with Mum
- Played WoW
- Played Singstar with Rianna
- Taken Rianna out for dinner at an Italian restaurant
- Slept a lot
- Played more WoW

Tomorrow I'm getting up at 5am for our first ever guild Kara run. So excited zomg.

( Random quiz results )

Current Mood: full
Current Music: Carlos Santana - America

I went to my dad's friend's daughter's graduation dinner. It was okay... the food was good. Mum and Rianna weren't there so I was a little bored, but too brain-dead to care.

On the way there, in the car, dad was talking to his friends and was like "we should get so-and-so to set Lilian up with a boy... she's old enough to be dating", and I was like zomg. -.- It was very alarming. It is indeed getting to the point where I'm a little old to be pretending that I'm the innocent virginal young Chinese girl who's had no experience with dating. I'm going to have to come out to my parents one of the days. Scary.

School was really boring today. Really, really boring. It's really terrible to be in a classroom and be absolutely bored and wished you could just jump in and take over the lesson (because you can tell that all the students were absolutely bored) but not be able to. -.-

I did have a good chat with Emily though. Emily is a really quiet student who always hands in excellent quality work and the medieval story I marked yesterday was really well written. She always puts her hand up when I asked questions, too. And she knew heaps about Vikings, that very first lesson. If I were to have a pet student, she would be it. :D

Anyway, only 2 more weeks of this 2-days-at-school-3-days-at-uni thing. And then 1 week of assignment hell. And then the 3 week teaching block. Zomg.

I have a sore throat. :(

Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: Yellowcard - Only One

My mum said over dinner - randomly - that she was watching Brokeback Mountain. o.O Oh the mind, it boggles. The good news is that she didn't say anything negative, and she didn't seem disturbed by the subject matter. Regardless of how open-minded she may be to gayness though... it's always different when it's your own kid who's gay. So no coming out for the time being, still.

In other news, uni starts again tomorrow. The Easter holidays are never long enough. *sigh* I'm kind of looking forward to not having enough time for prolonged emoness. I'm not looking forward to having to get up before noon again, being constantly stressed and exhausted, and generally gaming/internet/chat deprived.

This week I caught up with some friends, old and new, which was really nice. I welcome to my LJ

zatapoiki and

shetan83. :)

I also started coding a Xena Text Adventure Game earlier in the week. I don't know when I'll finish it because the busy suddenly caught up with me and I don't know when it'll let go again. I suck at finishing things, too. Still... it's in the works.

Things I didn't have time to do this holidays:

- Get around to renewing my WoW account :( :( :(
- Watch any of the Star Trek I borrowed
- Reread TBSOL
- Talk to certain other friends
- Play my new games, Bully and Zoo Tycoon 2 (much)

Time. I don't haz it. *sigh*

Anyway, while answering some list mail today, I put together a little game...

( The Xena Drinking Game! )

Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: Meiki - Reasons To Love You

ZOMG.

I just got back from seeing One Man Star Wars with Amelie. And damn! The show was funny, the girl was hot, the food was yummy... what a lovely night. *happy sigh*

But I should start at the beginning.

So, last night I was about to go to bed when Amelie messaged me on MSN out of the blue. She started telling me about One Man Star Wars which is showing as part of the Melbourne Comedy Festival (which, incidentally,

froggimus_rex went to see tonight as well, although I didn't know that until I read about it in her LJ like five minutes ago, ha), and I said that yeah, I'd seen an ad for it in The Age and had considered going to see it, but alas it ends tomorrow. And that's when she said: "Would you like to come with me to see it tomorrow? :D" And I was like O.O ZOMG FUCK YEAH (although not quite in those words).

So then she booked our tickets online and we made plans to meet today. And so we met outside of the Forum Theatre and she turned up looking as hawt as ever. *sigh* And then we watched One Man Star Wars together and it was hilariously awesome. Sooo funny. It was fantastic. I'd had the foresight to buy a packet of M&Ms at Flinders St Station and I shared those with her. Our fingers brushed once. XD

After the show we walked to Federation Square and sat there for a while and talked about deep things such as what we want to do with our lives and our ambitions/dreams (She wants to save the world - I want to conquer it.) And then we walked to Nando's and shared a Fiesta (whole chicken + large side) there. She liked it. I ever so suavely got us both a bottle of cold water and poured her a glass. We talked some more, about all sorts of things. Then we started talking about Lord of the Rings and our favorite characters, and I came out (with a minimal of blushing, and some fork waving). We didn't really talk about it because we were still busy talking about Lord of the Rings.

We sat talking in Nando's for a very long time. At one point a weird guy came up to the shop window and tapped on it and started gesticulating at us. He stayed for a while making weird gestures at us. It was totally random and amusing.

Hmm. Not much else to say. Except - damn her for being so pretty. I get smitten way too easily when they're pretty. I hate it when they look into my eyes too. I fall so hard when they look into my eyes. >.< Suffice to say, my crush on her is back with a vengeance. *sigh* But I'm sure it'll abate by tomorrow.

In other news, Baldur's Gate II seems to be working again. Hooray! I can satisfy my dorky RPG cravings again, finally. :D

Current Mood: smitten

( An explanation that turned into a rather long semi-biography of my mother. o.O )

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Alison Krauss - That Kind of Love

Ever since getting broadband, emule (my file sharing program) hasn't been working properly. The internet would pretty much stop working every time I opened emule, and nothing would download anyway. I did a little TCP and UDP connection test and neither were successful, which basically meant emule was fucked. And that really sucks because what's the point of broadband (apart from 24 hour connection and fastness) if you can't download enormous craploads of music and movies?? I mean really!

But, and this is a very triumphant and happy but... BUT, I think I've fixed it. :-) After some fiddling around with networky stuff that I don't really understand, I managed to get a new port working and now everything seems to be working again. *knocks on woo-- oh crap. Too late. MSN and AIM both just disconnected, and emule, which was downloading a song happily just a few seconds ago has stopped again. ARRRGHHHH!

Tomorrow. *twitch* Tomorrow I will fix this.

My mother hasn't stopped going on about my career choices for a year. It's pretty much chipping away all my self confidence... not that I had all that much in the first place, and making me increasingly neurotic and antisocial. *sigh* I wish she'd just let me be. The constant (and I really do mean constant... as in every time she talks to me. As in whole 30 minute slabs of sitting in my room, repeating things she's already said) nagging has resulted in me giving in to her latest design for me, meaning I'm gonna try and learn enough Chinese to take the HSK, which is an exam so that you can get an internationally recognized certificate of I-Officially-Know-Chinese. She means well, and I'm trying to see the positive side of getting this certificate - and I can see a few - but I wish she'd just respect my choices enough not to oppressively dictate my life to me. And this is exactly the reason why I refuse to come out! My mum would NAG me into becoming straight. She really would.

In other news, I watched Brokeback Mountain today with the lovely

tangledtale today. It was an excellent if highly depressing movie. I cried. Several times. Go watch it!

Now. Hopefully the net is working enough to let me post this...

Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: Head Automatica - Beating Hearts Baby

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Page Summary

Year 7 Camp
(no subject)
Fail
So throw me a rope to hold me in place / Show me a clock for counting my days down
Omgwtfbbqz
"Who's the Asian daddy?!"
Yay long weekend
Guh
Back to the slog
Dinner and a show
Why can't I move out?
Troubled connections

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Page generated Jul. 4th, 2025 06:59 pm

Psapphirical

the perimetres of our wandering are nowhere

Entries tagged with coming out

Year 7 Camp

(no subject)

Fail

So throw me a rope to hold me in place / Show me a clock for counting my days down

Omgwtfbbqz

"Who's the Asian daddy?!"

Yay long weekend

Guh

Back to the slog

Dinner and a show

Why can't I move out?

Troubled connections