Psapphirical

I just tried printing something and my printer made this awful sound and told me it was jammed.  Remembering my previous traumatic experiences with paper jams, I cautiously opened it up and looked inside.  At first, it just seemed like the paper was stuck, so I started pulling it out.  And then I saw it.  o.o

The broken, mutilated remains of a cockroach that had been caught in the machinery.

*whimper*

I have no idea how to even BEGIN cleaning it out.

[Edit: Mum suggested a vacuum cleaner. Oh the brilliance of teh Mum!]

This week is assessment week which means I get to stay home and happily procrastinate for 5 days while simultaneously being stressed as hell. So far I've stayed more or less on track. Two assignments down, three to go.

The last 5 days, I've been on dial-up internet because stupid Telstra screwed up our internet order and the new modem/installation package still hasn't arrived. When I called last Thursday they said it would arrive on Friday. When I called on Friday they said it would arrive on Monday. Tuesday at the latest. It is now Wednesday. I called earlier and they said "It's just left Sydney, and it should get to you by... maybe tomorrow, but probably Friday."

-.-

The sad thing is that my current dial up speed doesn't feel any different to the 256 kb/s ADSL I used to have. With the added bonus that Photobucket actually works again. Anyway, it's totally weird to hear the dial-up modem sounds again. It feels like I'm back in the year 2000 or something.

In other news, I had another traumatic cockroach experience yesterday. There was a big black cockroach on my desk, my desk! The most intimate and sacred part of my room. It crawled over my keyboard. It was on my mouse! >.<

It was my own fault. I got careless with bringing food into my room again. >.< Luckily, my mother and I teamed up, and armed with a slipper and a can of bug spray, we dispatched the vile beast with minimum casualties. And then mum was nice enough to get rid of the corpse for me, so I wasn't too traumatised. I then proceeded to sanitise my entire desk with tissues. *shudder*

Eurovision is this weekend and I'm really excited about it. I really hope I have new internet by then because I will need to download the entire Eurovision 2008 soundtrack after watching it. :D I know what you're thinking - my life must be really sad for the highlight of my month to be Eurovision, right? Well, all I can say in my defence is... WHAT WHAT IN THE BUTT.

Omg I'm shaking so bad. Fuck.

Oh god.

I just killed 2 cockroaches that JUST WOULDN'T DIE. OMG.

So I'm watching a movie in my room, and I feel this light skittering thing go up my leg. It's a cockroach. I jump up and scream and hop around... and it falls off and crawls away under my closet. But the rest of the movie I'm all paranoid and looking around nervously. Then, just as the movie ends, I see a large black thing crawling over my guitar hero guitar and so grab a slipper and get ready to smash it. It crawls onto the carpet... I make my move... but my nerves are all shot to hell afterwards and I can't bring myself to remove the slipper from dead cockroach. Anyway, after a while I calm down a bit and decide to try to sleep. I turn around, and there's this big fat cockroach on my pillow. O.O Not the same one, because I'm pretty sure the first cockroach was still squished and under my slipper.

Now, we're out of bug spray, so I can't just go to the kitchen and get a can of Mortein and empty its contents onto my pillow. Besides, I wasn't going to lose sight of that cockroach because if the bug got away, I'd never get any sleep tonight from paranoia. So I grab my other slipper, but I don't think it's gonna work this time because the pillow is soft and I don't think my slipper is enough to kill the cockroach on my pillow. So I look around frantically for something heavier and see my Diablo II strategy guide... I ease myself onto my bed and slowly crawl forward closer to the pillow... the cockroach still isn't moving... I inch closer... and smash the book down on my pillow... and the freaking book bounces right off... the cockroach skitters over my sheets... I grab the book and smash it down again... the cockroach looks a little flattened and is leaking goo all over my bed, but still moving. towards me. Book obviously isn't working. I grab my slipper again.. it has grooves on the bottom. I bring it down on the cockroach again. And again. Finally it stops moving.

I can't just leave the cockroach on my sheets so I grab some tissues and pick it up and throw it in my bin. Then I stripped the sheets off my bed, and my pillow, and pilled them all in my laundry basket.

That's when I started writing this entry, thinking it was over.

How wrong I was.

After a while, I was still feeling paranoid so I looked over to my slipper (the one that was on top of the first cockroach), and wondered if I should dispose of that one too. And while doing so, out of the corner of the eye, I see the second cockroach - the one I'd flattened on my bed - alive and trying to crawl out of my bin. AND IT DOES. It actually makes it out of my bin and is crawling on my carpet again. So I get the slipper and brutalise it some more. After several more poundings, it's still moving. My hands are totally shaking by this point, and it's still about 40 degrees in my room so I've got sweat pouring down me from doing battle with the cockroaches. Eventually I get some paper and try to squish it between the paper. While trying to do so, it actually CRAWLS OUT OF THE PAPER and almost onto my hand. I scream involuntarily, drop it, and smash paper/cockroach with my slipper again. After a bit I convince myself it's dead and I pick up the paper, fold it many times, and put it in my bin. Again. Then, I pick up the first slipper, to get rid of the first cockroach for good because by now I'm not trusting dead cockroaches to stay dead, and that one started trying to crawl away again. So I smashed that one a few more times with my slipper and got rid of that one too. Then I moved a bowl that Rianna had left behind to the kitchen because from now on I'm going to have a NO FOOD policy in my room. Then I moved my bin, with shaking hands, to the front door, so that in case the 2 cockroaches that I killed came back to life, at least they wouldn't be in my room. Then I decided to clean the bottom of my slippers, but I was out of tissue, so I went to the kitchen to get some more tissues.... and what do I see crawling on the counter? *whimpers* Yes. Another big. black. shiny. cockroach.

So I came back to my room, and am now writing the rest of this entry. And rocking back and forth. And whimpering.

*rocks back and forth*

*whimpers*